You can also listen wherever you normally get your podcasts.
Storming In: The Coping Style That Can Hijack Relationships (Schema Therapy SOS)
Psychologists and friends Lisa and Tanya explore “storming in,” a coping style in their SOS series (after “submit” and “opt out”), and how it shows up across friendships, family, and intimate relationships. They describe storming in as fighting against vulnerability—often rooted in shame, inadequacy, envy, jealousy, or fear of abandonment—by becoming controlling, demanding, or socially aggressive, ranging from competence and taking charge to boundary violations, hot-and-cold behaviour, gossiping, and, at extremes, violence and exploitation.
They discuss how storming in can seem helpful by restoring power, driving action, and supporting assertiveness, but can also destroy relationships through contempt, resentment, and subjugating others. Using the “lifeguard/healthy adult” and the RESET steps, they emphasise recognising urges, slowing down, identifying underlying feelings, owning one’s “stuff,” and communicating needs directly rather than acting impulsively or punitively.