Episode 8 — Burnout: The "I'll Do It" Trap

Season 1
Written By Tanya & Lisa
Episode 8 — Burnout: The “I’ll Do It” Trap
Tanya & Lisa - 2-Together

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Burnout: The “I’ll Do It” Trap - The Self-Sacrifice Pattern and How to Break It

Lisa and Tanya, two psychologist friends, continue their burnout series by exploring the “self-sacrifice lens” from schema therapy: prioritising others’ needs over your own due to childhood patterns (being the responsible child, the “good” undemanding child, or modelling a self-sacrificing parent).

They describe how unmet core emotional needs at work or home (secure attachment, expressing needs, boundaries, play, autonomy/competence) can activate this lens, triggering guilt, anxiety, and resentment, and leading to burnout through coping styles “SOS”: submit (over-accommodate), opt out (detach/scroll/substances/avoid), or storm in (become demanding/controlling). They suggest practical interventions via noticing and RESET: pausing before agreeing, tolerating guilt, doing a resentment audit, practising saying no and accepting help, and recognising when toxic systems may require escalation or leaving.

Next episodes cover the defectiveness and unrelenting standards lenses.

Prefer to read?

Schema Psychology Insights: The Unstuck Edit Blog
Burnout
Burnout

Burnout has come to mean everything and nothing. The WHO definition is narrow and occupational: exhaustion, cynicism, reduced effectiveness. What most of us describe is wider than that. We look at the argument that burnout is not really a thing, why resilience training inside an impossible workload adds shame to exhaustion, and what happens when demands outrun resources. Then we put core emotional needs and SOS alongside the research to find a better question than am I burnt out.

Read more →
I'm Happy for You. So Why Am I Jealous?
I'm Happy for You. So Why Am I Jealous?

A friend gets the promotion, the house, the holiday, and you say something lovely. Then comes the but, in your head or out loud to a mate. This is Storming In, the third of our SOS coping responses, and it rarely looks like aggression. It can look like being organised, taking charge, or a bit of gossip. We talk envy, jealousy and the shame that follows both, and why envy can be useful information about something you want for yourself.

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The Friendship Fade Out: When Stepping Back Helps and When It Keeps Us Stuck
The Friendship Fade Out: When Stepping Back Helps and When It Keeps Us Stuck

A reply takes three days rather than three hours. Then a week. Plans get harder to make. Eventually the friendship exists mostly in birthday messages. Sometimes stepping back is exactly what we need. Sometimes it is Opting Out, our word for the avoidance side of coping, and the two look almost identical from the outside. The difference is usually what is driving it: whether you are choosing some space, or disappearing because something has made you feel vulnerable.

Read more →
Tanya & Lisa

Dr Tanya Petersen and Dr Lisa Corbett met at university at 18, living next door to each other in halls. Nearly thirty years later, they're still friends, and for the past seven years they've been colleagues too.

Tanya is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist (DClinPsy), HCPC-registered, and an ISST Advanced Accredited Schema Therapist and Supervisor. She qualified in 2008, worked for years in NHS forensic services, and first encountered schema therapy in 2004 — which, in her words, felt like coming home.

Lisa is an HCPC-registered Counselling Psychologist (PsychD). She took the scenic route into psychology, via corporate work and volunteering with children's charities in South Africa, and has since worked across NHS and private settings.

They founded 2 Together to make schema psychology accessible — through the free Unstuck podcast, self-guided courses, and one-to-one online therapy.

Next

Episode 7 — Burnout: Are We Burnt Out, or Are We Being Told We Are?