9. The Burnout Loop: Am I The Problem

Season 1
Written By Tanya & Lisa
Episode 9 — The Burnout Loop: Am I The Problem
Tanya & Lisa - 2-Together

You can also listen wherever you normally get your podcasts.

Burnout: Third episode of the burnout miniseries — the defectiveness and shame lens

Psychologists and friends Lisa and Tanya introduce Unstuck’s schema-therapy approach and continue their burnout series by exploring the “defectiveness/shame” lens behind the question “Am I the problem?” They discuss how overwhelm can be misread as a personal flaw (“I should be able to cope,” “I’m failing”) and share examples across parenting, work, caring for parents, and relationships, including Tanya’s struggles after a hysterectomy and panic attacks.

They explain how burnout activates shame and fear of exposure, driving coping responses (SOS): submitting (self-criticism, withdrawal from opportunities), opting out (hiding, avoidance, numbing), or storming (defensiveness, perfectionism, overworking), which reinforces a burnout loop. They propose the “lifeguard/healthy adult” perspective and the RESET steps, plus three practical actions: catch the verdict, check the load, and let someone in.

Next episode covers the unrelenting standards lens.

Prefer to read?

Schema Psychology Insights: The Unstuck Edit Blog
Burnout and Self-Sacrifice: When Caring for Everyone Else Starts Costing You
Burnout and Self-Sacrifice: When Caring for Everyone Else Starts Costing You

It doesn't always start with someone asking too much of us. Sometimes it begins with us repeatedly saying yes. Yes, I will sort it. Yes, I am fine. For a while, it looks like competence, reliability, kindness. Then one day you are exhausted, resentful, vaguely furious with everyone, and you cannot remember the last time you asked what you needed. This is the Self-Sacrifice lens, and here is how it quietly feeds burnout at work and at home.

Read more →
Burnout
Burnout

Burnout has come to mean everything and nothing. The WHO definition is narrow and occupational: exhaustion, cynicism, reduced effectiveness. What most of us describe is wider than that. We look at the argument that burnout is not really a thing, why resilience training inside an impossible workload adds shame to exhaustion, and what happens when demands outrun resources. Then we put core emotional needs and SOS alongside the research to find a better question than am I burnt out.

Read more →
I'm Happy for You. So Why Am I Jealous?
I'm Happy for You. So Why Am I Jealous?

A friend gets the promotion, the house, the holiday, and you say something lovely. Then comes the but, in your head or out loud to a mate. This is Storming In, the third of our SOS coping responses, and it rarely looks like aggression. It can look like being organised, taking charge, or a bit of gossip. We talk envy, jealousy and the shame that follows both, and why envy can be useful information about something you want for yourself.

Read more →
Tanya & Lisa

Dr Tanya Petersen and Dr Lisa Corbett met at university at 18, living next door to each other in halls. Nearly thirty years later, they're still friends, and for the past seven years they've been colleagues too.

Tanya is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist (DClinPsy), HCPC-registered, and an ISST Advanced Accredited Schema Therapist and Supervisor. She qualified in 2008, worked for years in NHS forensic services, and first encountered schema therapy in 2004 — which, in her words, felt like coming home.

Lisa is an HCPC-registered Counselling Psychologist (PsychD). She took the scenic route into psychology, via corporate work and volunteering with children's charities in South Africa, and has since worked across NHS and private settings.

They founded 2 Together to make schema psychology accessible — through the free Unstuck podcast, self-guided courses, and one-to-one online therapy.

Next

Episode 8 — Burnout: The "I'll Do It" Trap